aaarrrggghhhh

NEWS FLASH: Young Monkey King dropped like a hot potato!!! Yes folks, yet again, against all odds young Mr. Monkey King has been inexplicably dumped by a member of the opposite sex!!! Shocking? Yes. Altogether unexpected? Hell no! Given the fact that this little lass was physically attractive and SANE! Those were the reports from the scene today as told by eyewitnesses.
"It was strange really," said one woman," This girl was beautiful, had a career in mind for herself, was interested in listening to talk of research, and acted as if she may have actually enjoyed time with Mr. Monkey King!!!"
Sadly, this interest was cut short when a couple of dates were broken, phone calls were left unreturned, and questions were left unanswered. What happenned you ask? Well we have an expert opinion from one top level NASA consultant: "You see, Mr. Monkey King suffers from an as of yet unexplained phenomena that some have termed "The Phipps Effect". It seems this "Phipps Effect" is much akin to a cosmic S.N.A.F.U., in which against all logic, reason, and in some cases even violating mathematical and statistical models, situations that seem to be absolutely normal burst into the proverbial flames." He went on to state that "This recent unexplainable dumping is just the last in a long line of relationship malfunctions that have left it's victim hopelessly addicted to Xbox and porn." Unfortunately, according to another highly placed government science advisor, until more is known about this "Phipps Effect" there is little that can be done to help those who suffer from it. Stay tuned to Marker XIV for more details, as well as historical evidence for this bizzare occurrence as they become available. Until then, this is your on site reporter Insert Random Name Here, signing off...